I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize