Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
