i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
