Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
