I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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