Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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