Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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