I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize