Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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