you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
