I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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