Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
