he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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