i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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