yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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