sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
