You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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