If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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