She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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