My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
either way he was missing a nipple.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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