I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
