There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize