I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
