No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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