Apparently you make a good broom.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
