quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
