could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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