my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
