He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
