We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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