If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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