no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
