i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
