you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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