The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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