I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
