I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
