Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
