I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
