I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have feelings that need drinking.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
