We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
