I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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