Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
