I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
