Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
