So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
