marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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