We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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