We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
