Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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