Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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