Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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