mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize