Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
