don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
