you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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