WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize