She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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