Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it penis luge time yet?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
