alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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