That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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