My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
being pregnant is like rehab
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
