It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
