I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
