From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
