i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
