It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
