Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
