I puked a lego.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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