Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
