I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was CRYING into my vagina
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
