oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize