You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
